i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
