Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you mean i was at the winter classic?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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