I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
