I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
