Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
