I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
