my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
