i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
did i walk over a car last night?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
