She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
