haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Less talking, more tequila
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
