I can tuck mytits in my pants
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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