We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
