Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
