I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
