so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
