hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
