I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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