You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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