Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
