Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
