I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
