oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
