We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
