Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
