Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
