some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
not ubering you a puppy
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