i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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