its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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