until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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