just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you made out with another girl for some wings
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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