I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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