does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
True strength comes from lack of pants
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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