My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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