My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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