Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
