he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
