BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
