In the future we'll all be gay
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you didnt know i had herpes?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
