haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
