sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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