good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
