I like to think it a success when the cops are called
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I am available for nakedness
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
