My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
