So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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