The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize