My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
