Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
