No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
