Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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