so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
