You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Randomize
