i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
